Welcome To New York Review - A Karan Johar Comedy

Did you ever think you'd see those words in the same sentence? Karan Johar is synonymous with romance but this here, a self proclaimed 'comedy' is his show entirely. I went with 2 out of 5. 1.5 stars were for Karan.

Welcome To New York is an opportunity lost. Director Chakri Toleti gets Indian cinema gold to work with - a rather controversial (but hilarious might I add) director who is India’s version of the Kardashians all in one glorious entity. Then, he has the aan, baan, shaan of Punjab (I guess Padmaavat’s repetitive dialogues are still doing a number on me). He even has Riteish Deshmukh, Sushant Singh Rajput and Boman Irani. Unfortunately, he also has Lara Dutta and Sonakshi Sinha. Not to say that women are bad actors (quite the opposite, I actually feel that women can get into the skin of characters far better than all men sans Aamir Khan), but these two are such awfully written parts and such awfully enacted characters that they slow down what could’ve been a fun Sajid Khan type film. Not Humshakals, not even Himmatwala, but maybe qualifying for a poor man’s Hey Babyy.

Not to say Welcome To New York has ANY (none) of the crackling genius that that film does. Sajid Khan’s directorial debut is a cracking and funny comedy, this one is a goddamn boring attempt at jokes. Even though Welcome To New York attempts to be a spoof film, it goes in the opposite direction. Chakri could’ve and should’ve made a crackling spoof on the vanity-ridden Bollywood film fraternity. He tries to do so, but ends up making a pretty film that isn’t high on much substance but high on much glam and gloss. In an overview of the raita pretending to be the so-called ‘plot’ of the film, Lara Dutta is a power-hungry corporate in the IIFA (yes, the pretentious award show that Karan Johar abandons anything and everything to inhabit and host) which is owned by the one-name ‘Gary’ played by a rather bored, sunken and sullen Boman Irani. In fact all of the employees at this company have only one name - Annie (my favourite assistant with an off-tone American accent, trying to speak in Hindi - imagine Simi Garewal, thirty years younger and with another fake accent), Sophie (Dutta) and Gary.

Dutta plays her power-hungry corporate most unfashionably, spouting out dialogues in a disinterested way. To take revenge on Gary for not promoting her to partner at IIFA, she spoils one of her own plans to ruin Gary’s IIFA. In a spur of moment meeting, she had suggested a talent contest all over India and the ‘sponsors’ all nodded their head to suggest that they were on board. To sabotage the IIFA and therefore get revenge on Gary, she picks the worst two contestants - Sonakshi Sinha’s Jeenal Patel and Diljit Dosanjh’s Teji - a tacky fashion designer (who at the end of the film suddenly makes some WINNING costumes) and a wannabe actor who is critiqued by Katrina Kaif in her trailer (I wanted to reach into the screen and repeat those same dialogues to Kat including “Where did they find you?” or “Is this what you call acting?” while she simpers around in a Salman Khan blockbuster).

Still, through and through the film is saved by one of its (two, considering he’s playing a double role) leads, Karan Johar. Johar plays a double role of himself as an exaggerated version of the Karan we love and inhale every Sunday on Star World or once in 3 years on the big screen and Arjun (get it, Karan-Arjun?), a power-hungry mafia don who hates Karan because after hits like Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, people always mistake him for the lovey-dovey Karan and when he robs them, they ask for autographs instead of handing over the cash. Both Karan and Arjun are given cheesy but hilarious lines. Karan says dialogues like, “Armani pe mere armaan hain!” and Arjun says in a sing-songy voice as he kidnaps Karan, “Kabhi alvida naa kehna … Alvida.” Whenever the film stays with the particularly uninspiring Sonakshi Sinha and the after-a-point-annoying Diljit, Karan swoops in and saves the day as his two personas - Karan and Arjun. In fact another hilarious line from the film is when Arjun says to Riteish Deshmukh - “Mein Karan nahi, Arjun hoon.” And Riteish responds, “Aur mein Rakhi hoon. Yeh bandhan toh pyaar ka bandhan hain.”

Had Welcome To New York been cheesy gold like this, I would’ve inhaled the film and loved every minute of it. But we are made to endure a dramatic, B-grade production that would be infinitely poorer without Karan. Even with the random shots of stars disjointly yelling “Woo!” clearly not at what’s going on on the IIFA stage in the Welcome To New York universe, the acting by Karan and Riteish saves the day. I wouldn’t watch Welcome To New York again. But if you love a Sajid Khan directorial, you should. And if you too love the Karan Johar personality, this is like nicotine for your system. I’m going with 2 out of 5 - one and a half stars are for Karan Johar.