SOLO: A Star Wars Story - A Wholly Unnecessary Awful Film

Perhaps being one of the headline films at Cannes has lost its meaning. Perhaps bearing the burden of being a film that is supposed to follow up the gargantuan Episode VIII and Rogue One in the Star Wars franchise was too much. Perhaps, director Ron Howard wrote his scripts and ideas on the spot while watching reels of previous Star Wars films. Because Solo: A Star Wars Story is whole-heartedly awful cinema. And the biggest blunder is that it commits to it. For two hours and fifteen minutes it goes on and on and on.

Forgive me if I’m making no sense. Because this trudge of a film (which is really the nicest thing you can say to help its cause) is nothing but beautifully shot, beautifully composed, bloodless cinema. The film follows the eponymous Han Solo and delves into his backstory. While watching this film, I was reminded of another franchise that just kept going - 13 Reasons Why, whose bland and unnecessary second season beat me into submission. It’s another cash cow that is terribly made and quite frankly taints the happier memories you’ve associated with the franchise.

Solo: A Star Wars Story follows Han, played by Alden Ehrenreich, who is a pilot-turned-cynical smuggler. He joins Tobias Beckett’s crew of thieves and what follows is the trials and tribulations this group faces. There’s even Emilia Clarke (who I was hoping would start reciting some Dothraki and move along the proceedings) playing the bland and sort-of ‘evolved’ damsel in distress. Here, there is none of that firebrand that is Daenerys Targaryen. She’s given a weak part and for the majority of the film’s runtime, she struts around in gorgeous suits with perfect hair.

The only actor that makes a smidgen of an impact is Donald Glover (who you may know of as Childish Gambino, or the rebellious singer that made the marvellous This Is America video that has gone viral). Glover’s Lando is a smug smuggler with a heart of gold. Glover perfects Lando and makes you care for him. Lastly, there’s also Paul Bettany who has these unexplained scars on his face as Dryden Vos. Except for a few killer dialogues and that District 12 swagger from the Hunger Games, he is as bloodless and ornate as the film.

What works in Solo, however, are the visuals. Mounted at a budget of around 250 million dollars, the film is visually sumptuous. There’s a scene in an otherwise overbearing first half where the smugglers fight off droids on a train that is travelling past these snow-capped mountains. The action is slick, the musical score by John Williams and John Powell is effective and the cinematography is top-notch. But, you never get that rush that earlier films in the franchise gave you.

No doubt, in spurts, the second half revives the film. Actors who looked like they’d given up spring back to life and Ron Howard tries to pick up the pieces of his entangled narrative. But ultimately, Solo: A Star Wars Story, turns into a contrived and convoluted mess. The film’s beats are unfortunately all too familiar and Howard seems too busy trying to tie together the loose threads that hold up Han’s backstory - that he forgets to make a story entirely.

Speaking about Han. the titular lead. Harrison Ford had the rewarding role in all previous flicks. His charisma mixed with his rebellious lust made Ford perfect for the part. Here, Alden Ehrenreich doesn’t quite get there. He never truly mixes his overwrought charisma with lust. He’s no bad guy. Instead, he plays Han as a hyped up child. Which would be great if it didn’t follow Ford’s stupendous works in the previous instalments of the franchise. To summarise, Ehrenreich isn’t a patch on the original.

I think a reason SOLO: A Star Wars Story got such a scathing review from me was because I expected so much more. I didn’t expect this convoluted mess of a film. Also, a request to future prequel/sequel/backstory directors of the franchise - maintain the same nostalgia with which the franchise has held itself over these years without making your films overlong and overstuffed. I sure as hell know this film would’ve benefited from a tight edit. Other than that, I’m going with 1.5 stars out of 5 for SOLO: A Star Wars Story. It’s a dread to get through, I strongly recommend you miss this one.