Fantastic Beasts: Crimes Of Grindelwald Review - 'No-Maj'ic Here

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is an elaborately designed foolishly choreographed set piece. Its crescendos are glorious to watch, but once you ponder over them, there’s little that’ll stay with you. And that’s partly due to writer JK Rowling’s sloppy script. The Crimes of Grindelwald is overtly indulgent, almost arrogantly so, and the film doesn’t even set into motion until an hour into the narrative. The set up, following Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne), is so excited to introduce this new galaxy of stars, that Rowling lets the film simmer at a slow pace.

We are treated to flashbacks, long action sequences and even a love triangle for a moment. But, ultimately it all ceases to matter when Jude Law and Johnny Depp take centre stage. They’re both seasoned actors. Law perfectly captures the grace and eloquence of Albus Dumbledore, once played by the legendary Sir Michael Gambon. And Depp is menacingly powerful as the psychotic Grindelwald. He’s looks flat-out scary with that disfigured eye and his rumbling voice adds another layer to the stunning climax of the film.

But it seems like Law, Depp and even poor Eddie Redmayne are working against the script and not with it. It’s tedious, long-winding and directionless. It’s intended to be a set up to a larger war between Dumbledore and Grindelwald, but instead, this foundation seems wholly unnecessary. Also, the plethora of actors makes it impossible to follow, and well, care about the narrative. Zoe Saldana is mysteriously beautiful as Leta Lestrange, a conflicted fiancé.

Also good is Callum Turner as Theseus Scamander as Newt’s older, overbearing brother. He adds meat to a slim role and his relationship with his brother is the most emotionally complex thing in the film. But, the best part about Beasts is easily Dan Fogler as the lovable No-Maj, Jacob Kowalski. His romantic entanglements link him to this lot, and he’s on a mission to win back Queenie Goldstein (a nice Alison Sudol), the vivacious younger sister of Tina Goldstein (Katherine Waterston).

Actually, Tina is the weakest link in the film. In the last Fantastic Beasts, she was mysteriously fun to watch. Her awkward riffs with Redmayne’s Newt were inspired, but here Tina is shackled to being a bore. She always sports a stale expression. She never has any energy inside of her, and quite frankly, sucks up some of the fun that Newt provides. When Fantastic Beasts drags, Waterston, delivering a dull performance, is the main culprit.

And, in the middle of it all is Eddie Redmayne, desperately trying to salvage some of this haphazard script. There’s magic and furry little animals, people trying to find each other in the beautiful city of Paris. And even though Newt rings through as the awkward happy-go-lucky optimist, everything around Redmayne falls so flat that even Newt becomes monotonous to watch. There is little spark in him, and the main reason is Rowling’s shoddy writing and screenplay.

But, say what you might, Beasts is visually stunning. Its action sequences are well thought, beautifully imaged and stunningly shot. The imagination that is on display in every scene glitters far more than the tired and rundown screenplay, or perhaps even the film that it inhabits. There are dragon fireworks, a stunning Chinese beast known as the Zouwu and tiny baby Nifflers. It’s mind boggling that minds like ours can come up with these things, but really, having seen the Harry Potter series, this is par for the course.

Which is what you can say about the Crimes of Grindelwald. There’s nothing here that you haven’t seen already in Rowling’s eight-part film series - or even the prequel to this film, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. There’s just not enough spark in this storyline. This dull taste permeates the film and instead of feeling operatic, it feels like a punishment to sit through. However, the visually opulent climax does give you an adrenaline rush.

There’s fire, spells, curses and ultimately, the screen burns when all of its main characters assemble at the Lestrange tomb. The climax roars and Beasts sputters to life, though only momentarily. There are reveals made and family histories derived, and while it is fun to decode, it all feels overly contrived.

You can use magic to revive a lot of things, but this script isn’t one of them.